You could spend forever trying to set things right, trying to come up with the perfect lines. You could ponder over and over, pacing back and forth to think of the perfect proposal. But no matter how perfect you thought your plan was, life is always full of surprises. As much as you thought you could finally think up that one perfect plan, flawless without any loopholes; you fail. You stumble and fall, you come crumbling down. LIfe always counter-attacks your perfect plans. You'd never win and the game is never fair. Whether it is love or friendship, it's never a fair game.
Maybe you had been the perfect friend, giving your friends a shoulder to lean on. And maybe you were the perfect girlfriend, giving him all the space he needed. You think, " damn, I'm not gonna fail this time round". And then the curtains draws, the show begins. That perfectly clean slate gets tainted and you don't even know how the drastic change came about. One minute he was there like a sturdy rock and the next, he would crumble with a slight nudge. And you breakdown, you question yourself.
Why,why, why and why? You question yourself in your head over and over again. At first you blame the other party then the hatred you directed at him/her eventually morphs into self blame. You blame yourself for that one time you didn't care for him/her. You scold yourself for that one time he/she called and you weren't free. You regret that one time you didn't show your love bluntly. You just keep going on and on. You just keep beating yourself up.
But the thing is, nobody knows what to expect from life. It's never a stable wooden table, it rocks and sometimes it breaks into bits. If it hasn't come, then don't think of it. Why overthink and allow it to overwhelm you with second-guesses and unnecessary worries? Why don't you live for the moment instead and decide as you walk. The more you draw up plans like: oh what to expect and all. It either leads to greater disappointment or pointless insecurities. Really just live and think for the moment. Perfect plans don't exists, Life plays the game better. Mistakes can always come about from nowhere too.
If you've done it and it caused avoidable dramas or pain, then let it be. Stop mopping and beating yourself up with, 'I should've known', 'Why did I?', 'It's my fault', 'I had the choice', 'It wasn't supposed to be this way'. You played the game, you moved that chess piece. Game over or not, you made the choice and it's a done deal. What help does regretting do? What does regretting change? Nothing.
So let it go; forget about the past and live for the present. Don't look too much into the future either, all of us tend to do that. No hopes, no expectations, no unnecessary disappointment. Don't even look back on the future, it doesn't take you back in time, it keeps you stuck in memories. And remember, memories are dead but people are alive. And people change, they move on. Appreciate the ones you still have, the things you still got. And as for those who left, those you lost, get over it. Even if you can't get over it, put it somewhere deep and lock it away in your heart. Stop letting the past or the faraway future affect your choices, affect your present.
You deserve lots more than fading memories and blurry futures.